it’s dark because you are trying too hard
lightly child, lightly learn to do everything lightly
i was so preposterously serious in those days
that’s why you must walk so lightly
lightly my darling
eventually everything connects
don’t use all-or-nothing thinking
love is a burning thing--phosphorescent
when the orbits of these two satellites of ours happened to cross paths, we could be together
how did i fall so hard again
in the next instant we’d be in absolute solitude
until we burned up and became nothing
Monday, April 15, 2019
Sunday, April 14, 2019
Untitled, age 31
fear the people i love die when i’m not around.
lost my brother at age 12
learned about it in the car ride from school
didn’t think death was “real” but now it’s my obsession
i think if i’m around the people i love they won’t die
my need for control creates so much anxiety
i’m incredibly fearful my fiancé, my q, will die
he’s “cheated” death so many times yet one time will be the last
rape
my mother is a survivor, her own home, violent
my own sudden death
fear freak accident, medical rarity
failure, career hasn’t gotten off the ground
relationship, starting a family
i’ve been unable to get pregnant
really hard not to let fear control me
have a full time job, went back to school and got my masters
love to go for walks with my dogs
enjoy museums and movies and things that are outside
fear being a shut in
just have to go outside on my days off
makes having fun feel less like a chore
relieves stress
sometimes
lost my brother at age 12
learned about it in the car ride from school
didn’t think death was “real” but now it’s my obsession
i think if i’m around the people i love they won’t die
my need for control creates so much anxiety
i’m incredibly fearful my fiancé, my q, will die
he’s “cheated” death so many times yet one time will be the last
rape
my mother is a survivor, her own home, violent
my own sudden death
fear freak accident, medical rarity
failure, career hasn’t gotten off the ground
relationship, starting a family
i’ve been unable to get pregnant
really hard not to let fear control me
have a full time job, went back to school and got my masters
love to go for walks with my dogs
enjoy museums and movies and things that are outside
fear being a shut in
just have to go outside on my days off
makes having fun feel less like a chore
relieves stress
sometimes
Saturday, April 13, 2019
Untitled
look closely, the beautiful may be small.
i had lost my mind and fallen into my heart
but can’t remember what came after that
the mouth & all other things sharp
my idea of an interesting person is someone who is quite proud
to practice if you’re feeling stress frustration loneliness sadness tiredness
in a dream you saw a way to survive
it’s our pleasure to disgust you
not having time for a person
being the same as rejecting them
here’s something evil in me
but not loneliness
forgive yourself for not knowing
every single person knows something you don’t
there is a primal reassurance in knowing someone else
i destroy and keep
i had lost my mind and fallen into my heart
but can’t remember what came after that
the mouth & all other things sharp
my idea of an interesting person is someone who is quite proud
to practice if you’re feeling stress frustration loneliness sadness tiredness
in a dream you saw a way to survive
it’s our pleasure to disgust you
not having time for a person
being the same as rejecting them
here’s something evil in me
but not loneliness
forgive yourself for not knowing
every single person knows something you don’t
there is a primal reassurance in knowing someone else
i destroy and keep
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